Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
