so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
