she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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