yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
