Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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