Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
