You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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