The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
