I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
