life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
