Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
