He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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