My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
