I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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