so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
