I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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