I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
