You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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