she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
