he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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