Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
