and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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