i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
