So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
