Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This is not my ceiling
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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