She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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