I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
