Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
