The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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