come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
