His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
