he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
