lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
