Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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