Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
