Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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