My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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