Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
