In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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