we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the day after is always just damage control
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
