Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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