Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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