I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
