i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
