Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
