I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
