i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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