its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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