a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
