Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
