dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
