barbara walters just said penis...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize