Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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