Do you still have your period?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
