I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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