sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
