That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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