you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
