Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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