The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
