I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
