they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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