I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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