I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
