That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
